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Birthday Yellows

Birthday Yellows
There’s a certain sadness that comes with birthdays. It’s like the dying of a favourite song, or a sinking helium balloon. This year I wanted to sit with the sadness, so I turned my phone off and spent the day by myself. For some reason we tend to rely on other people so heavily for our happiness on birthdays. They can make or break our day. Why do we need other people to celebrate us? I think it’s because on birthdays we are forced to look ourselves in the eye, to evaluate our path in life. It is the day we are forced to assess if we are going the right way in life or if we have abandoned ourselves. Perhaps we need others to distract us from these questions the same way we find any excuse not to meditate. To soothe the yearly reminder of our own mortality, or maybe to validate that our lives bring meaning to the world.
I had a great day celebrating myself - I bought myself balloons and went to Lorne and wore my favourite undies - and in terms of happiness, I’m reminded of a quote by Robert Pirsig that says, “The only zen you find on top of the mountain is the zen you bring up there.” The only happiness you find on birthdays is the happiness you bring yourself every other day of the year. And anything else given to you? Well, that’s just a bonus.

12/2/21

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